small victories

Ugh - I felt defeated today. I don't know what the deal was - I just felt overwhelmed and anxious and isolated. I think it was time for the week to be over and have Mike home for a weekend. Plus his mom came to town tonight for Easter weekend, so all day I was feeling like I needed to get the house clean - which is hard to do when you aren't supposed to lift or vacuum. I guess, too, I'm just a little afraid I'm sliding into postpartum depression or something, so every bummer day feels like teetering on the edge, when it could very well just be sleep deprivation and normal new mom feelings.

But then there were some good things, too, today. My parents came over and watched the baby while I ran to buy some interim jeans. I learned the problem isn't so much that I can't fit into my old size of pants (I'm actually really close) - it's more that the rise of most normal pants hits right at my incision so it's really uncomfortable. Then I went to the doctor for a post-surg checkup and everything looked great - they kept saying they couldn't believe I had a c-section two weeks ago. That made me feel good somehow - plus I can start working out a little in about a week. Also, it's kind of catty, but there were lots of new moms in the doctor's office waiting room (with new babies in carriers) and, man, I shouldn't feel so bad. Granted, maybe I had a week or two on them postpartum, but they looked rough. Still in full sweats and everything. I didn't even wear sweats in public to Ainsley's first baby doctor appointment. It just made me feel even grosser - I would rather wear maternity clothes.

Hmm, what else was good? I checked on my Aflac disability and it looks like they already processed everything for that policy and the other hospitalization/sickness one I have. I didn't even send the form in for that one yet, but they must have just figured it out since they had permission to get info from the hospital. Which is awesome. I have a tendency to mistrust insurance companies in general - it's great to have one that just does what they say they're going to.

And then bathtime, tonight. If normal baths have been a 10 on the meltdown scale, this one was more like a three. Baby did so good. I guess I should always let her pee on me right before. :)