I think I'm just tired. Like literally, obviously. I'm on an every other day schedule where I just sleep like holy hell one night, and then the next I sleep great because I'm so tired out from the night before. Pregnancy is hell on good sleep. I don't know - somebody explain how you REALLY sleep when you pee 15 times a night. That combined with musical beds and couches to try and stay sleeping on my side and get Ainsley to stay in her bed and whatever else. Ech.
I suppose I'm emotionally tired as well. Just stress - money and insurance and the business and waiting for this kid to be born and Ainsley's well being and run-of-the-mill stuff. But then bigger, broader things are harder to stop worrying about - getting older, the state of the American middle class, something BIG BAD happening, cancer. It doesn't seem to matter, I can't prioritize the things I should be worrying about in my hormonal state. It all seems equal, somehow. I honestly hope it's hormones. I am prone to this kind of senseless anxiety, but have developed a lot of tactics in the last few years to try and deal with everything. And they worked well, actually. Even now, I don't feel crappy every day or anything. But about every third day it's just this wash of overwhelmed mom brain. I just hope it doesn't mean that I'm going to go all post-partem after the baby is born. That's no fun for anyone. I was nuts with Ainsley, but only for like a month. I think I was just regulating. The funny part is, the baby is the bright spot, despite being the biggest single change. I am overwhelmed with how our family will change, and I want him to be healthy obviously, but at least with a new life there's hope. And I will be so consumed that all this other stuff just won't seem as insurmountable.
And it just gave up and started raining. Like for real. So there's that.
0 comments:
Post a Comment