productive

The hardest thing for me when tax season-- and thus its full time hours-- ends, is feeling productive every day. The funny thing is, on my two days a week at the office I have no problem feeling productive, even if I just do crap things, like wikipedia the casts of TV shows and/or scary medical disorders. But the days when I stay home are different. I think it's like a working hangover, since that's all I ever did since college ended. I feel guilty on the "home" days. It's like there's a disconnect of the fact that I have a three year old, so pretty much just making sure she gets what she needs plus laundry and picking up and all that jazz is PLENTY to get done by itself in a day. But I still feel a need to do projects. This is a lifelong illness that stems from my perfectionist side, I suppose. Plus I am a fairly strong INTJ, which besides making me slightly insane, means I need to DO as a means to closure and organization and systems and structures. This serves me well in the work world, but can sometimes be a little exhausting at home.

So, citing my multiple (hormone-related?) breakdowns in the last couple weeks, I have been trying to keep it all in perspective and just get some things done. Like, keep it within reasonable limits. And if I start to feel manic, I just take a breath. Like yesterday ...

Things I got done:
- Went shopping for flowers for pots. I let Ainsley pick out everything (I mean, I sort of pointed her to the ones that I have had the most success in not killing). We bought way too much.
- Planted everything.
- Bought chicken wire at the farm supply store for a little craft project. It was a calculated risk since entering that place means AT LEAST 45 minutes for Ainsley to properly bond with and then say goodbye to the baby chicks and ducks. Also had to dodge comments like "I wish I could take home a chick!" But, she also said "I wish I could have a house like that!" when she noticed the Gorga's giant New Jersey mansion on Real Housewives the other night ... better get this kid used to disappointment now.
- Made dinner and rhubarb crisp, despite that fact that just that morning I put put a baking embargo into effect. Pregnancy hormones be damned. Didn't last long, apparently.
- That's really it. The house is kind of a mess, and I didn't work on any nursery projects. I just let it all slide.

Things I didn't do:
- Dishes. At all. My poor husband got to do them after work, which is kind of the deal, but I feel bad since it was like a day and a half of pile up.
- Laundry - well, I did half-assedly start a load but never moved it to the dryer.
- Nap. Ok, I DID nap. But it's kind of a "didn't do" since I didn't do anything else during. It's tough to get Ainsley down at home, even though she still takes naps at school every day that she goes. So when she went down I thought, what the hell, might as well sleep while I can.
- Shower. This is nothing new on days at home. I stopped washing my hair every day about a year ago so it doesn't get so dry and brittle. Which has done wonders for my hair, but not such wonders for my personal hygiene. There's just too little incentive. I did crack at about 8pm last night, though, after a day of playing in the dirt and being hot and gross.

So here's to turning over a new leaf ... or not really. We'll see if I feel like it, or if I can just save it for another day.