The Illusion of Balance

I guess my biggest misconception about buying this business, with it's (amazing, don't get me wrong) seasonal schedule, was that it would solve the riddle of work-life balance. But nearly two years into it, I realize that work-life balance isn't a thing. Especially not when kids are involved, but probably not for anyone.

This is illustrated perfectly on a day like today, the first day of our new daycare schedule. We had to switch to two days a week for summer, and the only option for two days a week is a Tuesday/Thursday schedule. We've been doing Monday/Wednesday/sometimes Friday since we were paying for full time anyway, so I had to change my office hours for the rest of summer as well. So what few clients I have are totally confused. I got here today (like 20 minutes late, of course, because with the new schedule came a new teacher and new room and new instructions, etc., which made drop-off a 30 minute thing). Anyway, there were people waiting at the door, which makes me feel terrible. And I am following in the footsteps of a previous owner who was here four or five days a week, 10 hours a day. She had a bookkeeping business as well, so there was much more work to do, but still clients were used to being able to stop in pretty much anytime. So it's difficult. It doesn't make economic sense to be open all the time, nor is it very efficient in the off-season, but this is a pretty old-school area where peeps just like to drop by, so I can see it's detrimental when we're closed three days a week. I just haven't quite figured out how to make everybody happy. But then I have always been a pleaser, and have a tendency to feel like I am disappointing everybody.

But I am thankful so for so many parts of this set up--I have more time for my kids where I'm not always distracted by work. I am able to pull my weight financially in our household and feel some professional fulfillment. But I guess my point is that it's definitely not perfect, because maybe nothing is. The disparity of being home more versus Mike continuing to work 60 hour work weeks is tough as well. Before, we could just be equal-ish in the household duties. Now I have so much more time than he does to do things at home and with Ains, it's tough not to feel put out sometimes, like I'm doing everything. And it's a slippery slope, because I have so much more time at home and I am a control freak, it just gets to the point where it's easier to do everything rather than wait for him to do it. But none of that is his fault.

I guess we're like everyone else. You just do the best you can. You realize that raising humans is hard, because they have free will and life is unpredictable. It's a lot of work, no matter how your time is split between work and home.