Impromptu American Idol Live Blog or Whatever

I was an American Idol junkie for the past three years, but this year Mike and I made a collective decision to stop watching, partially because our BFF Vegan left for law school (and he was a big part of the tradition) and also because of tax season and Simon's departure. I mean, that shit is a big time commitment, and Simon was keeping it real.

Anyway, I'm sitting here biding my time until Glee starts and watching my first episode of the season, also the finale. Hmm, it's like an out of body experience without all the build up and fanfare and BS of the whole season to back it up. So here's what I think ....

- Oh no! I want to punch this Scotty kid in the face already. Mostly to get rid of that weird "smolder" thing he's doing. Someone's seen a few episodes of Next Top Model, me thinks. Oh no, he's only 17. That's totally mean. Maybe his singing will change my mind. Hmmmm. Ok, to be fair, I hate this "Gone" song, and he's not really making it any worse. I want to like this kid because he looks like Mad Magazine and he's probably a dork at his high school, but THAT FACE HE'S MAKING. Gives me the squeebs.
- Lauren Alaina. Lauren Alaina. That's kind of fun to say. Lauren Alaina. Oh no, I'm typing this during commercial break immediately following that song and I literally can't remember what she JUST sang. Probably not a good sign. All I can remember is it seemed like it hurt her to sing. They shouldn't have talked about that at the beginning, then everyone's listening for it.
- Ahhh, I kind of love George Strait. I always feel like he loves his wife a lot.
- Oh my God, this commercial showing clips from the last episodes of Cheers and Cosby Show is making me cry. Oh, it's for Oprah's show finale. Eh, I guess. Not the same thing, really.
- LaurenAlainaLaurenAlaina. This song sounds good, but she might have blown her voice out in that first song already. Eek. Oh, there we go. Pam Tillis is awesome. Good pick Carrie Underwood.
- Oh Randy. You're such a wang still.
- Oh J-Lo. Why are you yelling? Also, genie sleeves. You're the prettiest lady in the world or whatever, stop trying so hard.
- Oh Steven Tyler. You and that dangly feather hairpiece will haunt my dreams.
- Ok, they're already teasing the last song. Is this shorter than last year?
- I'm pretty sure I thought Taio Cruz was Usher on the radio for probably like his last 5 songs. I'm not very cool any more. AHHHHHHHHHH - FIX HIS MICROPHONE!!!! Ok, fixed, phew. I kinda like this song, I bet it'll be real good all mixed and autotuned and whatever pop magic they do. This would be a good workout mix song. Does it feel like there's this movement toward positive pop music lately? Pink, those original Glee songs, Katy Perry, Gaga even. I like that. Because you can tell from my jerky judgments above I'm all about positivity.
- Ok, Scotty's hypothetical first single. Well, it's certainly made for him. Also, a little slow moving. This is the kind of song that, like, the first time I hear it on the office radio it's almost ok, but by the end of tax season it makes me want to crawl out of my skin, because the key to a successful male country ballad lately seems to be a healthy dose of "rapey".
- More from the judges. I feel like they're really pushing it this year. These kids are just kind of meh. I mean, think of Kelly Clarkson. ADAM LAMBERT. (Side note, Adam, where did you go? You should be the male Gaga by now). Even those two from last year, especially Crystal. Oh, Scotty just summed it up perfectly ... "just hanging out, singing songs." Yep, that's just what it sounds like. Where's the camp?!
- LaurenAlaina's hypothetical single. It's pretty enough. At least these songs fit these kids. That was such a train wreck always. She does have a pleasant rasp. Oh her parents are so young!
- Ok, final judgies. Yes Randy, tell her that "whispery Mariah Carey" thing was awesome, that's just what the world needs more of.
- Oh, these kids. They're just such babies, it's not even fair. It just makes me think of some behind the scenes interview thing I saw once where the director of Con Air talked about picking Trisha Yearwood's version of "How Do I Live" over Leanne Rhimes' because it was more believable ... because of her age. And it's the same with these kids. I'm not an ageist at all, but I think someone like Taylor Swift does it right. When I hear her songs it makes me think of being young and having a crush and then being crushed. It's affecting, but not so big that it buries her. Which is good songwriting and good self awareness. But these kids, yeesh. If Simon were here I bet he'd be telling them to act their ages all season. I bet nobody told them that this season. Because those three yahoo judges, who even knows.
- David Cook. I loved him a little, and this Breakfast Club song is good for him.
- Ok, Glee time. Byeee!